-I LOVE MY SQUADMATES EVERY 24 OF THEM (:

Friday, April 29, 2005

its almost been 2 weeks
and yet i still feel that slight pinch of defeat
how could i?

i could hear a little voice at the back of my head, snickering at me
i could see the peirce people once again waving those signboards that says "peirce all the way"
i could taste the bitterness of this embarrassment
i could smell nc11's victory, and our defeat
i could feel everyone's unspoken curses raining down on me like a freak tornado raining down cows.

they never mention it
they never blamed me
they told me it was ok
and that they were proud of me
im so sorry
but i beg to differ

i tried to chuck the whole problem at the back of my head
i tried to forget all about it
i tried to put on a strong front
but it all amounts down to nothing

a mask on the outside
when can i ever take it off

i hate it during the nights
that idoit shadow
that shit crying in the darkness
that maniacal laughter
those horrid dreams

when will i ever learn to let go?

i never thought i would ever feel this way
i started out confident
determined that no one was going to bring me down
and yet i was the one that brought myself into this bottomless pit
its was my last string
and i let go of it
i watch it fall
and i made no attempt to grasp it back
only when i completely lost sight of it
i started looking for it
too late

so i sat there and began to hope
hope and hope
but sometimes hope runs out
and when its gone it will never come back
like the cup.

im sorry trainers seniors sqdmates juniors those that came down that day.
i made such a fool of myslf
i made you all cry with my oh-so-dumb replies to that cpr judge
and i made you all embarrassed.

and you all told me not to cry
that we can always try agn next year
you said we will win back the trophy
but i dun get it
it will never be the same
for starters, i want to pitch against rhowena
next we have seniors.
next year we will have juniors instead
it will never be the same
and i refuse to let the soon to come new memories replace my old ones
and you can say that im stubborn
but let me count how many times this comp has created trouble for me
7978548796112315498454651321849435413216879435413487
exactly.
this #@%$?/$# comp
threaten to throw me down the chute and i will never agree to this comp agn
not like i can get in anyway

and once again i feel that twitch
and that cold stinging slap lingering on my cheek
well almost.

wannie loves all of you no matter what happens.
or whatever those peirce people are doing to my trophy

WITH PASSION WE LEAD!